Dating without intention marriage
Maybe you've been together for two weeks, or maybe it's been eight years, but if marriage is a goal for both of you, when is the best time to make that happen? Researchers at Emory University surveyed over 3,000 people in the United States who are or have been married about various aspects of their dating, their engagements, and their weddings (Francis-Tan & Mialon, 2015).
As idiosyncratic as romantic couples and their experiences are, scientists who study relationship processes are aware of questions that couples grapple with as they consider their future: When should a couple get married? Although their primary focus was the costs of a wedding, they included other factors predicting marital dissolution.
When a partner is dissimilar from us in a specific way, or has traits that are extreme — "She's super enthusiastic! " — we sometimes see these as highly attractive qualities during relationship initiation, but they later become highly qualities that can reduce relationship satisfaction.
Prior to entering a long-term commitment, consideration of you and your partner's long-term compatibility along the dimensions that connected you could be an important step in identifying potential "fatal attractions." 5.
Further, some couples meet as strangers, while others have been friends for a long time prior to introducing any romantic element.
Adding some clarity, the perception of knowing a partner "very well" at the time of marriage reduced the likelihood of divorce by 50 percent at any given time point as well.
Before you get married, consider how your relationship typically operates.
However, I also come across couples where one of them is in the relationship for “passing the time”, as they call it.
Now this attitude is something I take serious offence to.
The subjective judgment of knowing someone well, then, needn't correlate with time. Your wedding might be magical, but becoming married isn't a magical experience that will instantly transform an unstable, unhealthy relationship into a stable, healthy one. One problem that can detour a marriage that seems to be headed in the right direction is the introduction of unexpected new knowledge about a partner.
Instead of focusing on how long you've been dating, consider these other ways to evaluate whether you're both ready for marriage. One reason some couples experience sharp declines in satisfaction during the first two years of marriage (Huston et al., 2001) may be because they entered into their marriages as a way to a relationship, leading to disillusionment and disappointment. Do you know, for example, how your partner thinks about and values money, or how he or she would approach being a parent?
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While the couple may take all the possible steps to ensure that their differences can be worked out (for example family, social status, religion) it does not always end up in success and, well, that is what life is all about.